Three Years

Three years ago today my brother died.

You would think that each year, the loss would seem more distant, easier.  I looked back at my blogs today.  At the one year anniversary, I was emotional and very sentimental about the year before.  At two years, I glossed right over the subject and was all bright and shiny faces about it.  This year the roller coaster is heading down off the crest of the hill I was on last November, where I could look out over it all with such a sense of positivity. 

At three years, I am sad.  I really miss Jake.  I find myself thinking about him more this year than last.  I miss his banter, his voice, HIS positivity. 

I miss my friend.

I miss my brother.

Here's hoping next year, I'm riding up the hill again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZbZX9aa_K4&hd=1

Change of Time - Josh Ritter
I had a dream last night
I dreamt that I was swimming
And the stars up above
Directionless and drifting
Somewhere in the dark
Were the sirens and the thunder
And around me as I swam
The drifters who'd gone under


Time, Love
Time, Love
Time, Love
It's only a change of time


I had a dream last night
And rusting far below me
Battered hulls and broken hardships
Leviathan and lonely
I was thirsty so I drank
And though it was salt water
There was something 'bout the way
It tasted so familiar


The black clouds I'm hanging
This anchor I'm dragging
The sails of memory rip open in silence
We cut through the lowlands
All hands through the saltlands
The white caps of memory
Confusing and violent


I had a dream last night
And when I opened my eyes
Your shoulder blade, your spine
Were shorelines in the moonlight
New worlds for the weary
New lands for the living
I could make it if I tried
I closed my eyes I kept on swimming